The sudden ringing of my phone startled me out of sleep, sending me into a confused frenzy. I had the mind to fling it at the wall so it can shatter along with its blasted alarm but then I remembered that it cost me an arm and a leg to buy the damn phone so I stuffed it under my pillow and hoped it would stop anytime soon.
I got out of bed with a sense of dread hanging around me like some poisoned aura. To be frank, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I just wanted to sleep for as long as I wanted and when I woke up, there’d be some toast and a cup of hot Milo waiting for me on the dining table, plus a copy of the day’s newspaper and my favorite magazine. Mum said that would only be possible when I’m super rich and didn’t have to work for anyone for the rest of my life. For now, I was just an employee, one of the participants in this seemingly endless rat race and most times I feel as if my Ferris wheel spins faster than others.
I hate my job. That was the primary reason why I didn’t want to go to work today. I was overworked, underpaid, unfulfilled and unhappy. I wasn’t getting the job satisfaction I hear people preach about all over the place. At a point, I accepted the that such a concept doesn’t exist, that people only claim it just because they’re ashamed of actually coming out and admitting it. We’re all a bunch of mice, running in the Ferris wheel of life. Some of us are hurting, yet as we’re conditioned by society, we just have to grin and bear it.
The ride to work was just like every other Monday. People were agitated, grumpy, irritated and aggressive at 7am in the morning. Who would blame them? Maybe like me, they didn’t want the weekend to end and have to deal with the harsh reality of another working week thrown in their faces. I wished that I would get to work and hear that it’s a public holiday so there’s no work. I don’t work for the government so I can’t even wish for a worker’s strike.
I had barely sat down in the when my Head of Department came screaming at me, her veins visible under her over bleached skin. No wonder at thirty eight, she still wasn’t married. What man in his right mind will want to marry someone who looked like she just came out of a Star Wars movie? I didn’t want to imagine what she’d look like in a negligee. That thought almost made me throw up. By 2pm I was unarguably tired and depressed. My brain refused to function and I was emotionally drained. I felt as if a heavy burden had descended on me and I could feel its weight pushing down on me. I needed to get out, I needed to break out of these chains that tie me down and run free. I felt caged and I needed to get out but I didn’t know how.
Out of nowhere, a tear slid down my cheek. That was when I knew that I had been crying. Everybody walked by me, no one stopped to ask what was wrong. They were too engrossed in their own world to notice that mine was falling apart. An image of the letter I received from my boyfriend flashed through my mind. A man I had given the best nine years of my life woke up one morning and decided that I wasn’t going to be a part of his future. All my efforts and hard work, not to talk about my emotional investment for the past nine years, went down the drain. I felt like a failure, I had failed in my career, I had failed in my love life… I had failed in life. Then I remembered an advice I read on one of these random sites I used to visit whenever I had nothing better to do with my time. It said that whenever one feels stuck in the rut in life, the best thing to do was to let go. Then it struck me, I could let it all go. Say ‘to hell with all this’ and just fly away. I smiled to myself. That was what I was going to do.
No one noticed when I walked to the balcony of our office. Situated on the tenth floor of the office it had a good view of the city and was a perfect spot for those who wanted to spend some time reflecting on issues. I didn’t want to reflect, I wanted to break free and let it all go.
I stepped on the railings and took one deep breath. This time, the air was different…somewhat sweet. I took one more breath and one step forward
The last thing I heard as I stepped off the balcony was a piercing scream. As I descended, my entire life flashed before my eyes. I saw myself in primary school playing with my friends… secondary school when I had my first boyfriend and my first kiss…university when I lost my virginity…I saw my mother, father, my siblings, my best friends…then I saw my friends who I had lost along the way and my grandfather who died ten years ago . They were smiling at me and my grandfather had an outstretched hand. I smiled back, reached out to him and closed my eyes
