We’ve all been guilty of it at one point in time; we see that magazine with the catchy caption 10 Ways To Make Him Love You For Life and we make a grab for it while surreptitiously looking for the answer to making him ‘chewing gum’ you for life. Hell sometimes, we fork out some cash and blow a hole in our purses just to buy it and read in the comfort of our homes and beds
Well I’m not going to write about ways to make him stay; that’s for Christian Carter, Emily Mc Kay, Mimi Tanner and the others. But I’m definitely gonna tell you the sure fire ways to chase him out of your life: and for good.
So sit back, grab your coffee, soft drink, popcorn or whatever you pop into your mouth when reading as I bring to you:
10 Sure-fire Ways To Lose Your Man Fast (And For Good)
1. Be sure to call his ass every 5 minutes so you can know where he is. In fact the minute he answers the phone the first words out of your mouth should be ‘Where are you’?
2. Go through his phone book, call every female on his list and demand to know who they are and why they call like everyday (Even if she really is his supervisor at work).
3. While we’re still on the phone issue, don’t forget to read all his text messages, BB chats, hell any kind of message he’s got on his phone
4. Show up unannounced at wherever he said he’s hanging out with the guys for ‘boys night out’ just to confirm if he’s really there.
5. Chewing gum him everywhere he goes and when I say everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE: Office Seminars, Friend’s Bachelor’s Eve, Ex girlfriend’s cousin’s wedding.....
6. Tell him the sex is good but your ex was waaaay better
7. A month into the relationship, ask him what he thinks of Burgundy and Cream as your wedding theme colours.
8. Tell him his mother’s omelette tastes like sawdust
9. The moment you see him hugging a girl, go gangsta on him and bring on all the drama. Also give him 3 ‘German Slaps’ and pound the girl into the ground for good measure (Even though in the end, she really turns out to be his kid sister who came to visit)
10. Constantly remind him about how he’s not living up to your expectations of a boyfriend, give him an earful each time he leaves the toilet seat open, flings his socks in a corner, squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, doesn’t remember the anniversary of the day he ‘toasted’ you. Just rile him at every given opportunity
And as a bonus
11. Make sure he pays for EVERYTHING and that includes your hair, nails, spa treatment, body cream, the 80k Brazilian weave (you use 2-3 packs by the way), even your tampons and Felvin tablets
Try them, they work ;)
