It's my life and not a friggin dress rehersal!!!

Ok, it's been ages since I gave voice to my mind but it's been no fault of mine. My beloved Lappie (Laptop) has been ill and every post I had prepared, practically slipped out of my fingers. Nevertheless, my mind must go on and I must find ways of giving voice to the thoughts that swim around in my head.

I've been thinking a lot and like most people who share this beautiful and yet wierd world with me, most of it has been about my life.

I woke up one day and it was like someone hit the pause button on me and everything and everyone else had moved except me. Friends were either dumping shitty boyfriends and gettin new ones, getting married, having babies, getting more academic qualifications, professional qualifications, getting promoted in their offices or changing jobs for those that offered more pay and benefits.

Made me ask 'What the f%*k have I been doing with my life???!!!'

Then I decided 'Things are gonna be changing around here! So help me God!'

First I had to look at the present state of my life and I had to be totally honest with myself which was a very painful process 'cos I've been doing a lot of dumb things and trying to find a rational explanation for doing them. Nevertheless I decided that I wasn't going to live like this anymore, this is my life and not some fancy dress party where I was pretending to be someone else so I can please people at my own expense. So I set out for some drastic changes

• First of all I pulled the brakes on the dream I was chasing with some guy and realistically admitted to myself that as long as there were no changes in the situation, that was all it was ever going to be: a dream
• Then I made a list of professional qualifications I wanted to add to my resume, pulled out all the info I had downloaded, cutouts I had kept and leaflets I had gathered on these qualifications and started working on them. Even went out to get forms
• I finally quit postponing my applications to schools all because I was worried as per where I was going to get the money to fund my education and applied anyway. Let tomorrow worry for itself
• And speaking of money..........I'm working on that (Wink!)

I've looked at the future and I know where I want to be and I must make whatever moves necessary to get there. Can't afford to just sit and expect everything to just drop on my laps. I have set a standard for myself and nothing (or to quote my mum 'no jupiter') will ever make me drop them.

It's my life and if you don't like it, get the hell out of it!

Next, I'm going to be talking about 'Tales of the exes' Yes all the guys I've ever dated and the positive and negative imapct they've made in my life

Peace

Miss/Mrs. Can't Keep Her Legs Together

Oh they're everywhere, those ones you warn your sons/brothers/cousins and your close male friends never to take home to mama. The sad thing is that these girls have a way of wrapping the guy around their little demonic fingers. I'm talking about those girls that can't be happy with one man and they end up cheating on their boyfriends/fiancees and husbands. You all thought I will lash out at the guys and then keep quiet about it? Sorry to burst your bubble but I won't. This is a 2-way thing and we must all be ready to face and accept the bitter truth. Now these ladies all go by different names the 'bitches' the 'two timing hos' the 'prostitutes' and a whole lot of others. A lot of songs have been dedicated to these people, what comes to mind is Justin Timberlake's 'What goes around'. So now, the exam question- Why do ladies cheat? Unlike the guys who cheat for various and dumb reasons, the ladies have only one reason to cheat 'Greed!' They want to have it all. Sex that will blow their minds away and at the same time, marry the 'backup' boyfriends when all's been said and done and a lot of vehicles have plied that expressway in-between their legs (Sometimes toll free too). The guy is loaded and it wouldn't do any harm if they had a little mambo in the sack plus, they get loads of money to fuel their vain lifestyles. Over the years I've been entertained with stories of these ladies...the lady is about to marry and then discovers that the guy she's been sleeping with, happens to be her husband-to-be's uncle, cousin and in some bizzare cases (his dad, brother.....didn't you know him well enough to know his family before you started messing around with them) and of course the marriage is called off and the lady becomes suicidal (Like they expect it to turn out another way)

Sometimes, I feel sorry for their boyfriends or what I like to call 'Back-up boyfriends' and 'Spare tires' . Most of these guys are always in the dark as to the antics of their girlfriends-remember the scenario where the entire neighborhood except Mr. Boyfriend knows the girl is sleeping around. He showers a lot of love and affection on a lady who doesn't deserve it at all. He holds her in his arms thinking he's holding his lady but not knowing that she's nothing more than a tramp who has been giving herself to the highest bidders outside. I can do nothing more than offer my prayers for these guys that they discover these ladies on time and kick them the hell out of their lives before they desecrate their marital homes with these ladies.

As for the cheating ladies...I have only one message for you. Like Justin said 'What goes around, comes around' you can't sow oranges and expect to reap tomatoes. Nature can never be deceived, it'll surely deal with you in its own time.

Mr. Straying Pants

I can’t say categorically that I am a big fan of Rihanna, though I like some of her songs, there were some which I believed could have been better. However she has succeeded in winning my heart with one of her songs ‘Take a bow’.

Now I’m not a lyrics person per se. whenever I hear a newly released song, the first thing that catches my attention, is the percussion i.e. beat and the tune that accompanies it. I’m more of a beat person and as long as you can give me something that makes me want to hit the dance-floor within seconds, then you have my undivided attention.

That was the case in this song ‘Take a bow’ I liked the beat and I could catch on some phrases in the chorus. It wasn’t until I had listened to it back to back like 2-3 times that I really got the message behind it: She was kicking out a cheating boyfriend which leads to this post ‘The man with the straying pants’ aka ‘The asshole’ ‘The son of a bitch’ ‘The lying bastard’ and in more subtle words, ‘The cheating boyfriend’

Now I have noticed a lot of songs have been dedicated to this particular specie of men. Talking about Beyonce (Irreplaceable, Beautiful Liar) Carrie Underwood (Before He Cheats) Keyshia Cole (Shoulda Cheated) Whitney Houston (Heartbreak Hotel, It’s Not Right But It’s Okay-My personal favorite) Kelly Clarkson (Never Again) Patty Loveless (Blame It On Your Heart)….the list is just endless but nevertheless, the message is still the same, they made the mistake of entrusting their hearts to guys who were nothing but worthless waste of time.

It’s common knowledge amongst ladies that a lot of guys are not to be trusted but seen as walking Jack Rabbits with eyes that travel faster than the speed of light, whose actions are dictated not by the brain but by the ‘Control Center’ in-between their legs. These are the kind of guys your father will be more than happy to buy a gun with his name signed on it so daddy can give the punk a second hole in the butt the moment he dares set foot at your door. Sad thing is that these guys are everywhere like someone genetically multiplied them in the past.

One question I get to hear all the time and sometimes I’ve asked myself is ‘Why will a man cheat?’ I know a lot of girls will rush to say ‘Because he’s a lowlife son-of-a-bitch who’s happy to sleep around like a damn dog’. Sometimes I think it’s part of their genetic make-up to do so and I believe men cheat for the dumbest reasons most of which borders on greed and this ‘have your cake and eat it’ mentality. They want to sleep around with as many women as possible then go back and marry the girl they ‘preserved’ for marriage so in the end, they can have it both ways- the glorious reputation of being a stud and having a wife who was a ‘Mary Amaka’, who he knows had kept herself for him.

Personally, I can’t stand a cheater. I’d rather have a mummy’s boy than a cheater because then I know that it’s his mother I’m dealing with (who might not be so bad afterall) and not having to deal with Susan, Ngozi, Brenda, Damilola, Boma and a host of other girls he has outside. And to think of the germs he has crawling through his veins all because ‘Johnny’ simply refused to stay at home. I just feel sorry for the unfortunate woman who he slithers back to and who doesn’t have the slightest idea what her ‘man’ has been up to, not to talk about the walking health hazard he has become and as she’s sleeping with him, you can bet that she’s sleeping with his 10 girlfriends outside.

Girlfriends, you all should ‘so ji’ (Open your eyes) don’t fall for the charm and the sweet words he uses constantly just to make sure you remain his ‘mugu’ while he sows his wild oats. Now I’m not saying you should turn into a paranoid woman, but just be careful, keep your eyes open for any signs and when you find them, kick the dog to the curb! You're better off without the vermin anyway

I have a lot to say about the cheating woman but that will be in the next post.

Peace!

On your marks, Get set…..Marry!

Well that’s the way I believe people are taking the idea of getting married, like some race against time (Ha! Time is not on my side again o!, Can’t you see your biological clock is ticking fast?) A race amongst young single ladies to revel in the satisfaction of an elevation in marital status while she looks at her colleagues in the gender department in a patronizing manner coupled with disdain and arrogance believing that they must have been promiscuous during their earlier years and this must be the reason why they’re still single in their 30’s.

Over the years, the meaning of marriage has changed. In the days of our grandparents and some of our parents, it used to be an institution ordained only by God Himself. A young lady meets her husband and marries him because she loved him well enough to spend the rest of her life with him not only as the father of her children but also as a companion and a friend.

Nowadays, reverse is the case. Young ladies bungee jump into marriage either because they believe they’re getting old and their families and society are beginning to demand a husband of them or because their mates are getting married and they don’t want to be left out of the club so they join the bandwagon of marrying ladies. Some also get married for bizarre reasons… they want to have babies, the man is loaded so their future is secure if they did, the guy lives in America or Europe and he’s their first class ticket to the easy life in a land where the streets are paved with gold, ask these ladies what the man does for a living and all they’ll tell you is ‘He’s a businessman’ further ask what kind of business does he do and all you’ll get is a blank and clueless stare (More on this later).

Bye bye marriage based on love and compatibility, hello genetically created marriage developed in weird laboratories by desperate single ladies with the assistance of imperious parents and a society which has just refused to mind its own business. In the end, it’s the poor, marriage hungry ladies that bear the brunt especially when the marriage turns out to be a nightmare, contrary to the ‘Cinderella’ picture she had in mind when she looked into his eyes (on what was once the happiest day of her life and now is a day she curses with enough venom to kill an elephant in seconds) and said ‘I do’ before the Minister and a crowd of guests, half of whom she has never met in her life.

I don't believe marriage should be the ultimate goal in a lady's life. Yes I'd like to get married to a man I love, cherish and adore but at the same time, I'm not going to take it as a do or die affair. I believe in a happy married life and I don't think rushing into it just to please everyone else is going to get me that which I desire for my marriage and the last thing I need in my life is divorce so I'm committing it all to God, telling Him what I want and letting Him work it out the way he does which is always the best way

Marriage is not something you just rush into, it’s not something you go into just because Caroline just got married last week and Busola is getting married in 2 months. Or because mummy keeps pestering you and has even jumped the gun to pick out aso ebi colors and you desperately want to get her off your back. Most of the time, we tend to forget that once we enter the man’s house, we’re on our own. Our parents business ended when daddy handed us over in the church and went home to continue calculating what kind of car your bride price can fetch him. When shit hits the fan and you come running home, all they’ll tell you is ‘Sorry o! but you have to go back to him, he’s your husband!’ then the ones that even make the move to accompany you back to your matrimonial home, only go there to appeal to him to be more understanding and to take you back. So in the end, you’re just a negotiation tool.

Why not try to find fulfillment as a single woman instead of looking unto marriage to do just that. If you think that you'll find fulfillment in marriage, chances are 9:1 that you're going to be very disappointed with the result.

So young, single woman, embrace your life, look up to God who's the source of all good things which includes a blissful and happy marriage to the man of your dreams.

There'll be more posts on this issue later so this isn't the end of it

Shalom!

Welcome to blogging

Ok to be honest. This is not the first time I have tried to blog. When blogging was the latest fad in town, I figured it'll be cool to get one for myself and update it from time to time. Then I was faced with the challenges of balancing work and finding out time to put down something coherent for anyone out there who had the chance to read. Eventually, work won the battle and blogging took the backseat until sometime during the weekend, I realized that I had a lot of things burning in my mind and I needed to let them out someway somehow and so I finally decided to resurrect the blogging habit for myself.

This blog is an avenue to express myself, the real me, the way I think. I'm going to be talking about lots of issues under the sun that has been burning in my mind, from spirituality, to relationships to societal issues, basically give a voice to the thoughts that need it. So I'm hoping this blogging is here to stay......keeping my fingers crossed